A Necklace of Red Diamonds
by Threni
Summary: While the Team attends a gathering of Politicians and Law Enforcement, a woman's insanely expensive diamond necklace is stolen. And who better to solve the case than the one and only (or so his superiors devoutly hope) Patrick Jane? This is set during Season 1.
1. Chapter 1

**A Necklace of Red Diamonds**

 **I Own Nothing**

 **All Rights Reserved**

 **Chapter 1**

It was one of those social gatherings between the heads of Law Enforcement and Politicians, the kind where both sides, with visibly sweet smiles and unseen cramping stomachs, tried to suck up to the other to garner future favors.

Exactly who decided to invite Patrick Jane remained a mystery, but it was certainly nobody from the CBI. They all knew Jane had no respect for authority, particularly the wealthy and political kind, and they all were secretly terrified of what insults he might heap upon such people. But Jane thus far had behaved as nicely as any man, though he seemed rather bored by the whole event. CBI Director Virgil Minnelli just prayed that he was not playing nice to lure them into a false sense of security.

The rest of Jane's team was also present. As one of the CBI's most celebrated and successful teams their presence had been deemed a necessity. And like Jane, they were pretty bored with the whole thing. Cho was his usual dry, distant, and stoic self and Rigsby looked awkward being around the famous and well connected.

The lovely ladies Lisbon and Van Pelt could probably have had all the men in attendance eating out of their hands, and earning the everlasting enmity of the socialite women, but neither showed any inclination to do so. They were sociable to any who came up to them, but they seldom initiated any conversations. Lisbon spent most of her time sitting with Jane, prompting the politicians to speculate the two were dating and the CBI heads to speculate she was watching him like a mother watches a naughty child. Van Pelt spent most of her time around Cho and Rigsby, at the next table over, prompting similar speculations.

First at the event were a few speeches about the importance of America, of Law Enforcement, and how the people there had the power to achieve all kinds of greatness, and would everyone kindly make out a check to so-and-so's favorite charity?

"I think I've discovered the cure for insomnia," Jane yawned.

"I'm tired too, but we've got to stay awake." Lisbon told him firmly, "remember our deal. You play nice tonight and—"

"Yes, I play nice and you'll let me drive for the next five work days," Jane smiled, "I was very impressed when you said that. How could I have refused such generosity?"

"By saying 'no',"

"Touché,"

"I just hope I don't end up regretting making the offer,"

Jane's smile widened.

Lisbon eyed him warily and adjusted her dress. It was deep green and left her shoulders bare, and in the opinion of every single (and a few who were not single) heterosexual male in the room, she looked absolutely beautiful. Jane looked a bit drab in comparison, for he was only wearing his typical three piece suit. Van Pelt, in a deep magenta, strapless dress was receiving acclaim similar to Lisbon for her appearance, and her close proximity to Rigsby made him even more tongue-tied than usual. Jane's gaze caught this and his smile widened even further.

"What?" Lisbon asked suspiciously.

"Oh, just trying to make it look like I'm enjoying myself," he replied airily.

"Right," she stood up, "I'm going to go get something to eat."

"Be sure to take a few extra crackers. If you see someone approaching, stuff one in your mouth so you can't talk to them."

"I'll keep that in mind."

After making it past a few flirtatious senators, she managed to get some hors d'oeuvres. Minnelli came over to her, bring several women with him.

"Agent Lisbon, this is Mrs. Fletcher, wife of Representative John Fletcher, Senator Agatha Redding, and Miss Lucille Guerin. Ladies, this is Agent Teresa Lisbon, our best agent at the CBI,"

Blushing with embarrassment, Lisbon shook hands with them.

"Great to meet you, Agent Lisbon," said Lucille Guerin, a woman with blond hair that had probably taken hours to arrange, a low cut scarlet dress, and a large red necklace around her neck which she touched proudly with her pristine fingers.

"That's a very nice necklace," Lisbon said, taking the hint.

"Oh thank you. I only recently acquired it. Cost me quite a bit of money, I can tell you. Oh! There's Congressman Grear, I must speak with him about the new bill! Excuse me!" and she ran off, the other women following her.

"Speak with him," Minnelli said once he was alone with her, "Knowing Grear, they're more likely going to yell at each other."

"Who's Lucille Guerin?"

"Only one of the richest women in Pennsylvania and a die-hard political activist," he replied, "some say she's funded half the congressional campaigns in the country. If we play nice with her we might get her to fund a few of our politicians, and they in turn…" he had no need to finish. Lisbon got the point.

"She sure liked that necklace of hers,"

"I know. She's been showing it off to everybody else. It's made of red diamonds."

Lisbon whistled. When she told this to Jane he whistled too.

"Red diamonds. That's one of the rarest diamonds colors in existence. That necklace must be worth more than all the rest of the jewelry here put together,"

Lisbon looked around uneasily. "And according to Minnelli she's been bringing it up to everyone she's talked to. Sheesh, is she insane?"

"Meh. I doubt we have much to worry about," Jane said dismissively. "Nobody's going to steal it if she never takes it off, and besides, who's going to steal something when they know there are half a dozen cops within fifteen feet of them?"

Lisbon decided he was right and relaxed as dance music began blaring from the sound speakers.

Over at the other table, Rigsby was gobbling down the large pile of crackers and cheeses on his plate. Van Pelt was checking her phone, and pretending to be on it from time to time so people did not ask her to dance with them. Cho was gazing around the large room, examining it with a security agent's eye. It was an old habit and something to do to pass the time.

"What do you guys say after this we go out and get a drink? A real drink, not this sprite posing as champagne," he suddenly asked.

"Fine with me," Rigsby said after swallowing.

Van Pelt shook her head. "I'm gonna have to pass. I need to get up early for my yoga class tomorrow morning."

Only Cho noticed the look of disappointment on Rigsby's face. As soon as Van Pelt got up to get a beverage refill he said, "Are you going to keep dancing around like this?"

Rigsby dropped the cracker he was holding. "What?"

"You heard me, and you know what I'm talking about."

"No I don't,"

Cho smiled slightly, "Keep telling yourself that,"

"I don't! But assuming I did, do you really think this is the kind of place for that kind of thing?"

"If you mean, is this the place to talk about being in love with Grace Van Pelt, then no, it's not," Jane said as he joined them. "Aside from the fashionable outfits this is hardly the place for anything romantic or personal."

"Too bad the others don't think that way," Rigsby said bitterly, "Four guys have come over here trying to get her to dance with them,"

Jane grinned. "Any you've got a particular grudge against? Say the word, Rigsby, and I'll forfeit my five days of driving and humiliate them for you!"

"Please don't," Cho said.

"Oh come on, it'll make the evening more entertaining!"

"He's got a point," Rigsby agreed.

"Of course I do! About the only entertaining thing here tonight has been Lucille Guerin and her diamond necklace."

"Those are diamonds?" Cho said, slightly surprised, "I thought they were rubies."

"Nope. Red diamonds, easily worth millions."

Cho and Rigsby both whistled.

"I hope she's taking extra good care of them," Rigsby said, "the AG would be furious if they got stolen right here under our noses. And they'd blame Minnelli—"

"Who'd blame us," Cho added.

"And we'd blame Lucille for being careless and she'd take offense and threaten lawsuits," Jane finished. "Ever get tired of being on the bottom of this hierarchy?"

"Yes we do," Van Pelt rejoined them.

Jane brightened up with an idea. "Let's have a game of riddles. Where can everybody but you sit?"

"Next to you?" Van Pelt said.

"On your lap," Cho said.

"On your head," Rigsby said.

"I was going for Grace's answer, but you're all right! All right, Grace, let's hear one from you!"

She was stuck. "What have I got in my pocket?" she asked at last.

"Not fair! Not fair asking us what it's got in its nasty pocketsesss!" To everyone's astonishment it was Rigsby who said it.

"Nice going, Gollum," Van Pelt sniggered.

"Do you even _have_ any pockets?" Cho asked.

"You got the quote wrong," Jane said to Rigsby, "he said—"

Suddenly a woman shrieked loud enough to overpower the music.

"What's that?" Rigsby asked, and he was not the only one.

Lucille Guerin was clutching her purse and looked ready to faint or have a heart attack. "MY NECKLACE IS GONE!"


	2. Chapter 2

**I Own Nothing**

 **All Rights Reserved**

 **You know, while it's certainly nice to get good reviews, it also makes me a little nervous because I worry if the next chapter will be as good as everyone anticipates. Still, there's not much I can do about it except post the next chapter and hope people like it. The last chapter will be posted on the 26** **th** **.**

 **Chapter 2**

After getting Lucille Guerin to calm down, no small feat that, Minnelli went to the front of the room and urged everyone to please stay calm and stay put while they got this sorted out. He told them that since they had one of the best CBI teams present, the odds were good they would have the case solved very quickly.

"But if the thief will only come forward and return the necklace now, we'll say no more about this," he added. Nobody came forward.

With no thief exposing themselves and Guerin insisting the necklace had been stolen, not merely misplaced, Minnelli turned to Lisbon, saying quietly "Look, if we can get this dealt with really fast—"

"I know," she replied as she pulled a notepad and pen from her purse and dispatched Cho and Rigsby to make certain nobody left the room, something which stirred not a little commotion from the politicians.

"You can't keep us here!"

"This is a violation of our inalienable rights!"

"Please, this is just routine police work. There's nothing to worry about," Minnelli said patiently. Jane thought there was a hint of desperation in his voice, but only someone who knew him would have detected it. Jane smiled. Poor Virgil.

"And why should we trust the police?" demanded Congressman Grear, a tall man with a red face that came with a nasty temper. While they bickered with Minnelli and resisted his attempts to sooth their fears, even after he reminded them that anyone who tried to leave a crime scene was liable to be considered a prime suspect, Lisbon and Van Pelt talked with Guerin. Jane joined them. She looked a lot less beautiful with the tears ruining her mascara and her hair so disheveled, he reflected.

"When was the last time you saw the necklace?" Lisbon asked.

Guerin sniffed and pointed to her purse. "I put it in here before I went to dance, I left my purse on my seat, and when I came back after the dance it wasn't there!"

Lisbon asked her what the times were.

"It would've been—I joined the dancing around 8:30,"

"And as soon as you searched your purse and found it was gone you raised the alarm?"

"Yes," she whimpered.

So for a half hour it was left unattended, Jane thought, and he knew the others were thinking it too.

"Did you see anyone near your purse during that time?" Lisbon continued.

"…Yes, I did. A woman. A redhead." She eyed Van Pelt suspiciously, but there were several other women with red hair present and she could not swear to any faces. "I saw the woman—I'm sure it was a woman—over by my table—she might have gone through my purse, it wasn't visible to me from where I was standing—"

"Why'd you take the necklace off?" Van Pelt interrupted.

Guerin looked a bit peeved. "It bangs against my neck when I'm dancing. I don't like that." She looked at them imploringly, "Please, you have to find it! It's worth a fortune!"

"Is it insured?" Lisbon asked.

Guerin looked downright annoyed at such a question. "Of course it's insured! Do you think I'd own a $30 million necklace and not have it insured?"

"For how much?" Jane abruptly asked.

"Equal value,"

Looking thoughtful, Jane stood up and went back to his original seat, as if to say he was done with the interview.

"Do you know of anyone who'd want to take it?" Van Pelt asked, "I mean someone who would have a _particular_ reason to take it, beyond because they wanted the money?"

"Do you have any enemies here tonight?" Lisbon clarified.

Guerin shook her head. Her annoyance changed to hopelessness. "I don't know."

"So there's nobody here who holds a grudge against you? Even politically?"

"I really don't—I don't think so, I don't know," she started sobbing.

Lisbon left Van Pelt to comfort her while she went to Jane. "Thinking of sitting this one out, are we?"

"Well, I'd heard enough."

"And what are your thoughts?"

Jane only stared at the wall.

"She said a redhead was near her purse, but that's nothing solid. So really, anybody here could have taken it, and there are around 40 people in here."

"You can cross out the five of us. And Minnelli."

"Okay, so that leaves us with some 35 people who could have taken it," she growled in frustration, "And Minnelli wants this wrapped up quickly. I suppose I could start talking with all the redheads in the room, but if there's nothing behind that…darn it, what was she thinking, leaving a $30 million necklace in a purse while she was dancing?"

Jane was still deep in thought but a small smile came to his face.

"What are you thinking?" Lisbon demanded. "If you've got some scheme, you're telling me what it is or you won't be doing it!"

"I'll have to, because I'm going to need the whole team on this one," he said, "And I'm going to need to make a shopping run,"

"Why?"

He handed her a glass. "Have a drink,"

"Oh no,"

"No, no, it's just Pepsi. This may be a long night and you look like you could use some caffeine,"

"What's the plan, Jane?"

Jane told her.

" _That's_ your plan?"

"It's the least likely to cause trouble, so I thought I'd try it first,"

"Since when have _you_ cared about causing trouble? Who are you and what have you done with Patrick Jane? I think there's a case of false identity and kidnapping here, not just a theft."

"Very nice. But it's still the plan, Lisbon. If it doesn't work we won't be left helpless, but if it does, we could have this wrapped up before midnight."

"You do realize if this goes to court there won't be any solid evidence—"

"On the contrary, the jury will love a case like this. It'll feel like something out of detective fiction. And once we know who's guilty, we can get the solid evidence, one way or another."

"Well these politicians are never going to agree to this—"

"Remind them that when they go online tomorrow they'll have quite the story to tell the public, about how they took part helping the police solve a huge robbery in a creative fashion—or that we'll say in our Press Conferences how they hindered us from solving a case efficiently."

"Assuming this works,"

"We'll never know until we've tried it," he pointed out.

Lisbon thought over the plan again. "Just a few hours?"

He smiled reassuringly. "Just a few hours,"

"All right. So what do you need exactly?"

After gathering the team around and explaining the general plan, Jane was gone for about an hour. While he was absent Lisbon tried to assuage everyone and keep them patient. Most were willing, if nothing else because it would look bad to mess with law enforcement outright. Guerin was by far the hardest to keep patient. She would cry, accuse someone random of stealing her necklace, and then cry some more while wailing that she would never get her necklace back and the CBI was full of stupid incompetents. She screeched particularly shrilly and accusingly at Van Pelt, who privately swore that she was going to go deaf from all the noise.

Congressman Grear was also hard to keep quiet. He would snap from time to time that this was all stupid, that cops could do nothing right, and that he was being held against his will, among other things. Everyone near him, Enforcement and Public Officials alike, decided to just ignore him, which only made him complain that nobody ever listened to him.

Minnelli took Lisbon aside, "What's Jane up to?" He had not been informed of the plan because he had been dealing with the crowd of suspects.

"He gave me the rundown, sir. I agreed to let him try it."

"All right, but what's the rundown?"

Lisbon was about to lead him where they could not be overheard and tell him, but Jane returned at that moment, carrying a brown sack under his arm.

"Just another ten minutes and I'll be ready. I need a tall stool. Van Pelt, could you bring that in here please?"

In the auditorium there were three main areas. One was the backroom, where the supplies were kept and the food was prepared and stored. The second was the auditorium, which was about the size of a college lecture hall, with a podium at the front. The third section was the lobby, which a pair of doors separated from the hall. It was in the lobby that Jane was setting up his little scheme, with the doors closed.

"There's this entrance here and another one on the side by the podium, and those are the only ways to get into the hall, yes?"

"That's right," Van Pelt said.

"All right. Let's get on with it. How do I look?"

"Like you usually do, only classier,"

"Good." They returned to the hall and Van Pelt took a seat, between Cho and Rigsby, at their table. Jane went to the podium and raised his hand for attention and quiet.

"Good evening. Some of you may know who I am, but for those who don't, my name is Patrick Jane. I'm a psychic consultant with the CBI and I am going to find out who stole Lucille Guerin's necklace."

The crowd just laughed.

"What, ya gonna use your 'psychic powers' on us?" Congressman Grear jeered.

"Not exactly. You see, in my years as a psychic, I have picked up a few trinkets to help me commune with the spiritual realm. Like this," he held up a black bell about half the size of his fist. "This bell was a gift from a Voodoo Priestess I met in New Orleans. It's a sort of lie detector. I will ask a question, and when a person touches it, it will tell who is guilty by ringing. If the innocent touch it, it stays silent."

"You expect us to believe that?" someone yelled.

"My necklace is gone for good!"

"Patience, Miss Guerin. And no, I don't expect you to believe that, which is why I'm going to give a demonstration." He walked over to the table where his colleagues were sitting. "Rigsby, let's start with you. Did you or did you not take the last slice of pizza last Saturday?"

He held the bell out. Rigsby awkwardly touched it, and was rewarded with a ring.

"That was supposed to be my slice, you know," Cho said sharply.

Some people laughed but Guerin was not amused.

"This is dumb! You seriously pay this guy?"

Jane gestured for Minnelli to come over. "Sir, have you ever regretted hiring me?"

A ring was heard.

Jane held the bell before Cho. "Cho, have you ever dreamed of kidnapping a robot from Mars so you could marry it?"

Cho, amazingly keeping a straight face, touched the bell and nothing happened. The room was full of silence.

Jane turned to his audience and smiled. "Convinced?"

"Try it on me!" a gaunt and careworn looking Senator ordered.

Jane's smile turned slightly dangerous. "Certainly sir, if you'll just come over here. Two questions. First, was the divorce your idea?"

The bell did not ring, but the Senator looked stunned. "How did you—"

Jane tapped his leg impatiently. "I'm psychic, remember? Second question: was it your vote that shot down the education reform bill in your district?"

The bell rang. Jane smiled like a card shark. "You see? Now, if you'll excuse me, here's how this is going to work. I am going to put this bell in the lobby. Everyone will line up and one person at a time will enter and touch it. When it rings we shall know who the culprit is and they will tell us where the necklace is. One more hour, two at most, Miss Guerin, and you'll have it back, I promise you. Oh, and does anyone have any breathing problems? No one? Good, because they've been repainting the lobby and it sure smells like it. I just didn't want anyone to react badly to the paint fumes."

The crowd had a mixed reaction to Jane's plan. Some were genuinely convinced by what Jane said, some were simply curious, some still skeptical, some thought it was a waste of time, some were willing to cooperate to get it over with, and some went along with it whole heartedly.

Cho was stationed by the doors near the podium, where the individuals would reenter the room after touching the bell. Jane would not let them return to the hall through the doors they had exited through. Van Pelt stood outside the lobby with a note pad. Lisbon and Rigsby directed the line. They only let a person enter the lobby when Jane gave the okay. Jane himself would join Van Pelt when a person entered the lobby, so each person was completely alone and unseen when they touched the bell.

And so it went. Jane would give the OK, someone would enter the lobby and find themselves alone, touch the bell, exit, and walk around the building to the second entrance. One man commented it felt like standing in line waiting to touch a moon rock. Throughout the duration of this little scheme, not once did the bell ring.

Lisbon yawned. It was nearly 11:00 by now. Luckily there were only three people left: Minnelli, Congressman Grear, and Lucille Guerin herself. Minnelli had offered to stand in line and take the bell test, but the other two were less than enthusiastic.

"This is just stupid."

"Why should I do this? I'm the victim! I wouldn't steal my own necklace!"

Lisbon's patience was getting frayed. "Sir, ma'am, all we are asking is for you to touch a bell. At most it will take two minutes. You'll spend more time walking than anything else."

"But—"

"And a failure to comply will be seen as suspicious. We haven't heard the bell ring yet, so that might just mean one of you is the culprit," She warned. "Do you want us to take you both in for questioning?"

"You can't question me! You have no evidence!" Grear argued. "I feel like I should be calling my lawyer!"

"Failure to comply with police instructions is proof enough for the moment. You'll be spending at least a day in an interrogation cell, if nothing else. That's a pretty boring and tedious way to spend the day, believe me, and it can be expensive if lawyers get involved. So will you give us a few minutes of your time here, or will it be a whole day at the CBI?"

Grear gave up and went in, on Jane's command. As he went in he muttered something about being ordered around by hookers and conmen pretending to be cops, and once he was in the lobby they could hear him yell, "Ugh, it stinks out here! All right, there, I touched the stupid thing! And guess what? It isn't ringing! Happy? And what the heck is this stuff on my—ouch! That was my foot, you idiot!"

"My apologies sir, here, let me help you. See? No harm done, now if you'll just exit this way…" they heard Jane say patronizingly. Lisbon prayed whatever he was doing would not blow up on them.

"I still don't see the point of this," Guerin said. "As I said before, I wouldn't steal my own necklace!"

"Then there should be nothing for you to worry about," Lisbon said benignly.

"Except for the fact that this scheme isn't working,"

"Oh it's working," Lisbon lied. The truth was she had no idea.

At long last, giving in when Lisbon told her they would wait all night if they had to, Guerin went into the lobby. Nothing happened when she did, as she announced with a loud sob. Minnelli followed soon afterwards and had the same experience.

So not once had the bell rung, even though every person present, barring the CBI agents, had touched it. Everyone was discussing in whispers what had gone wrong. Had the culprit gotten away? Was it one of the CBI agents? Who could the culprit be? Was this whole scheme a flop? Nobody could explain it.

Most of all, however, people went to the bathroom to wash their hands off. It turned out the bell had been covered in black paint and when they had touched it they had gotten some on their fingers. This was one thing Congressman Grear had been griping about. Cho and Rigsby had not allowed anyone to leave the room until Jane gave them the 'Ok'. Jane himself went to look over Van Pelt's notes. Lisbon and Minnelli walked up to him.

"Well?"

"Jane, if this failed, we're going to be the laughing stock of the whole state! Please, please, _please_ tell me you've got something!" Minnelli pleaded.

Jane smiled. He had been doing that a lot tonight than he had anticipated. "Tell Lucille Guerin she won't be collecting insurance money for her necklace, so she might as well stop pretending it's been stolen."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"The main problem with Lucille Guerin's idea," Jane said as he made himself a cup of tea in the CBI kitchenette, "was that she wanted us to believe someone had gone through her purse and taken her necklace without being seen, even though there were 40 people in the room. Her purse was invisible from the dance floor, but it could be easily seen from behind her table, and we were sitting in that area along with plenty of others. A smart thief would have known not to take the necklace when they might've been seen at any moment, and a stupid thief would never have gotten away with the theft. I know if _I_ was going to steal that necklace, I would have arranged it so some accident would have happened; drug someone's drink so they'd pass out on the dance floor, or have Lisbon turn the lights out or stage a heart attack; something that would ensure everyone's attention was focused elsewhere. Nothing of the sort happened tonight." He sat down on the couch. "The theft just made no sense to me."

"It was too perfect," Lisbon agreed, "And the way she acted before and after the 'theft' was pretty suspicious."

"And trying to frame Grace seemed pretty pointless to me," Rigsby said.

"It was probably a spur of the moment idea to send us down the wrong track," Jane said, "But yes, it was pretty pointless, since she dared not openly accuse anyone and she could not furnish proof because if the necklace was found on them it would be returned to her and defeat her purpose to collect insurance money."

"I just checked on that," Van Pelt announced, "You know how she told us the insurance was equal value to the price? She lied. That necklace was insured for 60 million dollars,"

"So she'd get the necklace and double her money back." Cho said.

"And now she's sitting in one of our holding cells," Rigsby added with a grin. "But she's got the necklace back, so she got half of what she wanted."

"Where was the necklace, anyway? Did she say?" Jane asked.

"Yeah, she confessed when she went to use the bathroom she really slipped outside and hid it in her car. So, Boss, what charges are there going to be?"

"Nothing too serious," Lisbon said, frowning, "We can't really charge someone for pretending to steal their own possession. But we can charge her with lying to Law Enforcement and deliberately wasting our time, and I'm sure the prosecution will come up with a few others. It might not amount to jail time, but it will mean a very hefty fine if nothing else,"

Minnelli smiled proudly. "Good job tonight, all of you. And now, perhaps you could fill me in on what the plan was exactly? I'm guessing that bell was not from a Voodoo Priestess,"

"No. I bought it from a thrift store down the road. That and the paint." Jane said.

"Then how'd you get it to ring only at certain times?"

Jane pulled out the bell from his pocket and held it up. Minnelli saw that there was no clapper in it. The bell would not ring if it was shaken nonstop for hours. Then Van Pelt held up a second bell, one with the clapper intact.

"Grace was holding the usable one under the table during the demonstration. When I asked a question and the answer was guilty, she rang it. She was sitting so close to the black bell that nobody noticed the sound was coming from a slightly different location."

"And the senator? Was that prearranged?"

"Well I knew we'd have to do a demonstration on a stranger. When I wanted Grace to ring the bell I drummed my fingers against my leg."

"How'd you know about the divorce and bill, anyway?" Van Pelt asked.

"The bill I knew about because I overheard him talking about it earlier tonight. As for the divorce, he gave me the impression that he had been going through a rough time —his face looked haggard, he'd lost weight, he seemed tired; it all pointed to something stressful. It could have been that bill, but then I noticed on his left hand a small tan-line where a wedding ring would have been. So I decided he'd just gone through a divorce, and his expression confirmed it."

"But he might have been pretending to be single," Minnelli suggested.

"I thought of that, but divorce seemed more likely, so anyway—"

"Right, so you tricked everyone into believing that the bell could tell who was guilty, and then—"

"I doubt they all believed it, but I knew the guilty person would realize they had no choice in the matter. They could not risk touching it, if there was the slightest chance it could detect a wrongdoer. So, I dunked the bell in black paint, and the only person who didn't touch it was Lucille Guerin."

"I was keeping track," Van Pelt informed Minnelli, "You and everyone except her exited the room looking at your hands and trying to wipe the paint off."

"Her hands were clean, but not really," Rigsby cracked.

"Repainting the lobby was a lie, I'm guessing?" Minnelli said.

"Yep. I'm a bit surprised nobody, not even grouchy old Congressman Grear, noticed the lobby hadn't smelled like paint earlier." He faked a yawn. "So, any other questions? It's a bit late, you know,"

"When did you know it was her?" Cho asked.

"I didn't 'know' any sooner than you guys did. Given what the scheme was, I didn't need to know. I just set the trap and waited."

"Like a fisherman throwing out a line not knowing what kind of fish they might catch," Minnelli said happily.

Jane raised his eyebrows and sipped his tea.

"Well," Minnelli said after yawning for real, "I think we've gotten more than we bargained for tonight. Thankfully it's the weekend. I'm probably gonna sleep 'til noon now." He thanked them all again and bade them goodnight.

"Still going to yoga tomorrow?" Rigsby asked lightly.

"Yeah, I'll take a nap when it's over," Van Pelt said.

Rigsby handed her coat to her. "Can you imagine spending 30 million on a piece of jewelry? Honestly, if I had half that much money I could retire right now and never worry about expenses again."

"You'd get bored if you did,"

"I would?"

"Yes you would." Van Pelt said with a smile, "We all know it. I'd get bored too. Well, goodnight Wayne,"

"Goodnight Grace," he said, flushed with pleasure that she used his first name for a change. As he got to his car he suddenly thought of something. "Wait, did she mean she would get bored around here if I retired right now, or she would get bored if _she_ retired right now? Wait a minute—Grace? Oh drat." Her car was already pulling out. "Well, I'll ask her about it on Monday."

He hoped she had meant the former.

Back inside Lisbon and Cho were finishing up the paperwork for the case. Thankfully it was a light load this time, especially by Jane's standards. The golden haired fraud was lying on his coveted old couch staring at the ceiling. Lisbon glanced over at him and her gaze fell on a set of keys on the floor near him.

"Jane, I think your keys fell out of your pocket,"

"My what? Oh, yes, thanks Lisbon,"

As he scooped them up Lisbon realized those were not his keys. She knew what kind of chain he had and roughly how many keys were attached to it and this was a different style with considerably more attachments.

"Jane, where'd you get that?"

"Found them," he said innocently, "Must've forgotten to put them in the lost and found, so if you'll excuse me…"

She got in front of him, folded her arms and said in a dangerous tone, "Jane?"

"Um…"

She gave him that impatient, no-nonsense look he was so familiar with. He gave up trying to evade her. "Well, Congressman Grear said some pretty mean things about you and nearly gave away the plan to Lucille Guerin, so I…stepped on his foot to shut him up and picked his pocket."

"You WHAT?" Lisbon shrieked.

"Well I'm not gonna keep these! I'll send them back in the morning! I thought a night with nowhere to go would help deflate his ego a little!"

"I'M GOING TO DEFLATE _YOUR_ EGO WITH MY FIST IF YOU DON'T RETURN THOSE TO HIM RIGHT THIS MINUTE AND APOLOGIZE! Cho, take him and make sure he does!"

"Right, Boss," Cho stood up casually, grabbed Jane by the arm, and began dragging him towards the elevator.

"Hey, wait a minute—look, let's just think this over—hey, stop it—Cho, I thought you'd be on my side!"

"You thought wrong."

"Lisbon, he called you and Grace a couple of hookers!"

"Shut up or I'll hook you to the ceiling and use you for target practice," she snapped as Cho dragged him away.

"And this is the thanks I get for trying to defend my Boss's honor!" Jane said loudly.

Lisbon threw herself into her chair with a loud groan and put her head between her hands. "I might have known he'd do something like this. He was behaving himself too well tonight." She knew Congressman Grear had been a jerk, but this could easily explode if they did not resolve it quickly.

Jane stuck his head in her doorway, "So do I still get my five days of driving?"

"Absolutely not. NOW GET GOING!"

 **The End**


End file.
